Sunday, April 20, 2008

HIGH school

High school.

It’s the same day over and over again, truthfully that’s how I feel. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I don’t like high school for all those pumped up reasons they gave you. Like all this school spirit bullshit and being friends with people outside your race. we’re all people! What difference does it make?
Our skin color? Our language? Our religion? Our mind set?
That’s just the hard exterior all of us have. To feel this some kind of protection against racial slurs and obscene comments. Being in that sticky situation where you try to lie your way out of. So you can save your ass. But then you meet these people that have the same mind set as you do. So then, that is where you start saving other people’s asses besides yours so you don’t fee like a complete inconsiderable person that you are. So from there, you start to learn to give and take. To care and to hold others when they need you the most in their life. Just like when you needed them. When we laughed at the same time, holding our sides because it hurts so much from all those laughing, or trying to massage your jaw because it wouldn’t settle down to its normal state due to laughing way too much.
Those are the good times you have with this people you met along the way in high school. Through it all you learnt to forgive and forget, the hard way! Before, you was this tyrant that only wants things to go your way, and other’s suggestions and ways were ruled out instantly! The day had come when you actually learned to accept your parents for who they are and that all this while, it wasn’t really their fault, it was you being the little turd all along. How they put up with you, is a baffling thought to hold because that was the time you thought of all the crying and curses you said along with their name out of anger and being to young to understand anything. Right there and then, you look at your mum beside you and smile silently , then you look back at the trees passing by on the same road you had taken for the pass 5 years. During this journey of self discovery and self transitions, you finally made peace with your sister after both of you cried holding hand trying to put back your bedroom door with nails and a hammer. It was hopeless by then after the big fight, with that I meant the door, but it was a turning point for both of you. For years I will be telling the same tale of the day we became sisters and I had to lived for months without a door. Yes, MONTHS!
Somehow along the way, the power of music had taken your soul wholly and you was hooked with rock music and that was the part of a spiritual journey in your life, just because you listened to their music religiously. That was the time you talked about such obscene stuff that I think if our parents found out, we should wash our mouth with detergents. And made us all read the Quran everyday so that we can cleanse our heart and mind entirely. Despite the bad things they think you were up to, you really do talk about your religion along the way. Talking about Allah and being a Muslim had always been the topic where we simmered down and thought for awhile, He stops us from doing anything more stupider and sinful actions. These inner conflicts we have from family and peer pressure evolves us into being a human being that we are today. We’re not completely perfect but we’re trying, trying and trying. Even trying to be a better Muslim. Believe me, I kid you not. Then we have these days where everything changes, where you have to step up in everything. The pressure to excel in examinations kicks in hard and you had to give in because they said it will determine your life. So you got scared because for once in your life you don’t want to be a nobody. You want to make something of yourself, achieving your dreams and hopes that sometimes you do feel lonely doing this because it’s not fun anymore. They had ripped everything you had because they want to shoved their beliefs down your throat because they said they’re older so that makes them wiser. You can’t stand up to these dictators because everyone weren’t standing up with you. They just got on with their life, going to and fro the classes corridors with a blank expression. So, that’s when you start to feel like you’re back to square one somehow. But occasionally, you will have this moments with those people again, and it hits you like BAM! They’re still here, they haven’t left after all. So again you smile at the thought, and feel content and suffice for the moments you hold on too rather alarmingly. Now you feel that it’s time to let go, and let flow. Just time for a closure for this part of your life. Close this chapter without any hurt and confusions, but with gladness and relief. I’m excited to close this chapter and open a new one. New people, new experience and new surrounding. A clean slate so you can breath and feel the freedom, because all this mambo jumbo thoughts came down to only one thing. That is, having the freedom to fly.flyyyyyyyyy.

Dude!remember that year somebody sang hillary duff’s song fly in front of the whole class because some one dared him too! Kelakar gile siot!!

1 comment:

aristarionne said...

that was a lovely post. really. enjoyable to read, and I connected with them, as I know those moments.