bye.

it seems sort of unrealistic.

did i ever tell you about the many nights i woke up with a startled, finding salty liquid running down my cheeks due to the dream of being left behind? well, this time it felt like those countless nightmares seemed to becoming true. maybe my fear is to be forgotten, or maybe it was to not being that significant in anyone's life that i was easily replace and forgotten.

yes.

i think that is my fear even thought i am self professed loner that feels comfortable just being.kinda ironic dont you think? its not a lover that i seek...its so much more. i dont think right now i am satisfied by just having someone to hold, but i feel like i need more.

do you think im just tired of the same bullshit?

probably.

the problem here is easy,i dont know what i want.

even when i do, theres so much obstacles in the way that i felt forced to give up on it and now i dont know what i want anymore.

sad really, to be going in circles like an idiot because nothing inspires me anymore.

but today, today i know what i want but i have to go through many things before i get there. at first i felt like a new born having such wonder about the world, but when night fell things sort of took a turn into something bleak and hopeless. am i that weak? guess i am.

i dont write as often as i want too. i rather not speak either.i want to quietly pick up my bags and leave without a trace.im sorry but i need to think without these voices influencing my decisions. i think this will be my last post. i cant write freely anymore. i thought when i was able to write easily here that i was getting better but instead all ive been doing was restricting my thoughts.

i owe whoever reads this blog this explanation. the ones i know and dont, thanks for reading my ramblings. sorry if it sometimes feel incoherent babbles like right now.

thanks and dont worry, im ok.trust me :)

details in the fabric

If it's a broken part, replace it

But, if it's a broken arm then brace it

If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

Hold your own

Know your own name

And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Everything will be fine

Mmmhmm

i am proud of myself for the friends ive made because they are all distinct individuals that never cease to amaze me and i am thankful to be surrounded by minds that ; does not judge or scrutinize my actions, there for me when i need a shoulder to cry on, there for me when my world comes crashing down, there for me when i need a little cheering up, there for me when i need to do something stupid, i thought i wouldnt be able to consider anyone but these set of friends as friends but 2 years has passed and now i see that there is room for more people to join in the party.

this week has made me realized how kind people can be. that their intentions are always good and i am thankful for their constant support to keep being myself.

Sadly,with this revelation, a friendship ive been building for years seem to be dwindling down to ashes.

i know now that people can be so blinded by their own needs and the years you've known them doesnt count in trying to understand such behaviour.

lets play the blame game

i think im getting lazier to blog on here because I've recently rediscovered tumblr again for the 3rd time and have been on that more just re-blogging pictures and quotes that depicts my day. you should check it out at threadovermouth for daily dosages of what really inspires me if you are interested. if not, just click on there anyways and check out my rad theme(I REALLY THINK IT IS ,SO DEAL WITH IT) and beautiful,moving,artistic pictures i wished i took.

hence, i am partly blaming tumblr for sidetracking me from here. there is a lot of pointing fingers lately and i ought to be ashamed of myself for being the supporter of such action. but i couldn't help it when i feel like i am being sadly mistreated.

at the end of this, i wonder who will come out and say "it's my fault lets just forget this".

those words probably wouldn't come from my lips because i can't let go of the things unsaid and done. this shouln't come as a surprise to you since i am firstly a girl and secondly a scorpio.

ohgossh,there i go again blaming my zodiac sign and my gender for being so vengeful.

darn it! now i am really wondering about the mess i am in. the endless jabber in my head has resulted to me having reoccurring dream about some psycho killer out to kill my friends and i. so, now i sleeping with the night light just so i can sleep easily.

maybe I ought to get this mess sorted soon so i can save the environment and save the polar bears through using less electricity that my froggie ikea night lamp produces.

February is starting off just well as you can see.