bye.

it seems sort of unrealistic.

did i ever tell you about the many nights i woke up with a startled, finding salty liquid running down my cheeks due to the dream of being left behind? well, this time it felt like those countless nightmares seemed to becoming true. maybe my fear is to be forgotten, or maybe it was to not being that significant in anyone's life that i was easily replace and forgotten.

yes.

i think that is my fear even thought i am self professed loner that feels comfortable just being.kinda ironic dont you think? its not a lover that i seek...its so much more. i dont think right now i am satisfied by just having someone to hold, but i feel like i need more.

do you think im just tired of the same bullshit?

probably.

the problem here is easy,i dont know what i want.

even when i do, theres so much obstacles in the way that i felt forced to give up on it and now i dont know what i want anymore.

sad really, to be going in circles like an idiot because nothing inspires me anymore.

but today, today i know what i want but i have to go through many things before i get there. at first i felt like a new born having such wonder about the world, but when night fell things sort of took a turn into something bleak and hopeless. am i that weak? guess i am.

i dont write as often as i want too. i rather not speak either.i want to quietly pick up my bags and leave without a trace.im sorry but i need to think without these voices influencing my decisions. i think this will be my last post. i cant write freely anymore. i thought when i was able to write easily here that i was getting better but instead all ive been doing was restricting my thoughts.

i owe whoever reads this blog this explanation. the ones i know and dont, thanks for reading my ramblings. sorry if it sometimes feel incoherent babbles like right now.

thanks and dont worry, im ok.trust me :)