one thing

ive always wished that i have a musical bone in me. dont get me wrong, i am a devoted fan to all sort of music but sadly i am not musically gifted. if you know me well, i love to bell out to my fav tunes but i pretty much sound like a cat got its tail step on. suffice to say, i am tone deft baby but i love to sing (just not in public). since i cant sing, this means i cant write songs when most of the time i feel like i am writing lyrics instead of stories. well in a way it is, but they usually leans towards a more poetic touch (well,i like to think they do :D)

something happen yesterday and i dont want to tell you what is it because its too personal that involve the lives of people i wish not to harm through here openly because i can even when im angry and at that time wanted to inflict so much pain to them. But that's the thing, we are given this opportunity to be heard through this various technologies and i am sadden by the abuse of this mediums by some people. before i get into this long winded topic i best do what i came here for, that is to write share a short verse from yesterday. i dont know if i should say enjoy because they aren't that witty or genius.

just words from an angry 19 year old to her peers.

i dont want to tell you about it

i rather you hear me sing the words

words that are meant to hurt

you see,

my mouth feels dry,

from all the shouting to start back from the beginning,

to start back from where it all went wrong,

(where did I went wrong?)

wait..

was there even a beginning?

where did it start and when will it end?

i know you just came here to tell me all my faults

dont even try to tell me other wise

well then if i am right,

get back in line and and wait for you turn,

because i cant hear you through this noises.

yah thats how far i got.

now,im going back to watching modern family because its cracking me up so much.

before i sleep i just

want to say how tonight made me realized how difficult it is to love. and i dont mean love your friends or your family kind of love. i meant the love that every one of us seek. you know, having a lover yet a friend combo love. people tend to forget that the two go hand in hand. sometimes they love just to fill the lonely boring nights but never feeling anything beyond momentarily excitement or love because everyone else is in a relationship so its only natural to be in it themselves.

However, right now i dont want to talk what went wrong. despite the many blunders, i feel that it is important for me to write about went right. even if it is only one right turning, it is the most vital one. mainly,a reminder to myself to look on the bright side.

now i know when it comes to love;

1) go with what you heart says- it knows best

2) follow your intuitions-if it is right you just know

3) dont play games- unless you enjoy the drama

4) be yourself - better he sees you for who you are now then later

5) respect yourself - dont ever do things you feel uncomfortable doing

6) respect that person - the point of loving some one is not to make another you

7) be brave - making the first move can be so daunting

8) stop over thinking too much - in other words stop making assumptions!

you've read something similar in some magazine but im writing based on my own revelation. i want to write more but im dead beat and the sun is rising soon, i need to find my bed and crawl under the covers and hit the lights and switch off my mind.

maybe later today when i've reflect fully on the even that already, is and will happen.

what im saying probably doesnt add up because these are the my chunks of thoughts and i cant seem to be able to make them connect together properly right at this moment.

the other side

i think ive seriously woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. i got all flustered over something as petty as my losing my retro black rimmed specs. to a point that got me shedding a tear. i know, what the fudge right? i feel like i've lost something more than my specs today,although ive found the specs but i dont think i will find what i've lost because im not even sure what is it that ive lost. it is like im waiting for the fuzz to come and tell me that some one i know died and i am needed to identify the body. well,in a more modern and realistic way would be getting a phone call or news via facebook wall post, but i like to dramatize the ordinary a bit. it is the result of too much movies.

uni has just started.
yup, that is about it.

i dont feel like I am at the beginning....it feels some what like an ending. an ending towards an incredibly weary yet revelatory year. sigh.....

sound effects and overdramtics

When the shirt came off, it was all in time
When a m-m-m-minute turned into a mile
And then I broke that grin, and I cut it out
And you got all turned on by the taste of your sin
When I mentioned blue, all you thought was colour
When you mentioned drugs, all I thought was sober
When your pants came off and I turned you over
When you mentioned blue

Kill
Smile
Cut it out for me this time
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while

Keep the mask aligned
Get it up in time
There's a space between valleys
And try catch a vibe
Make a circle square
A rectangle curve
Use a smile as a noun and I think like a verb

Run quick switch sides
Spill the filled up canister
And the room is shaking
Now you're changing places
And I switched my pace
And my breathing races when you mention blue

Kill
Smile
Cut it out for me this time
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while [This is not x6]

Kill
Smile
Cut it out for me this time
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while

Kill
Smile
Cut it out for me
Cut it, cut it out
Smile
Kill
Cut it out for me
Cut it, cut it out

We cut it out

Kill
Smile
Cut it out for me this time
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while [This is not x6]

Kill
Smile
Cut it out for me this time
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while

Get down and stay awake
Smile

im 19. what do you expect?

wouldnt u just "SHUTUP!"

one thing ive learnt on monday is that i hate staying at home and not have anything remotely fun to do. talking to my self and reading a book have been great and all but its just not as exciting and i really dont care for the state of my room. it doesnt look that bad. it has character damn it! henceforth i am definitely not in a cleaning mood because the mornings are so hot that i can feel the heat radiating onto my skin in spade even though i am inside standing infront of my stand fan turn up to highest speed. it makes every muscle in my body sluggish and weary because honest to god i think they are fight off the heat by just standing there. moving seem like a real work already so after facing off mr.sunbeam, the weather will then slowly transition into heavy rain. i love rain but i hate thunder. so like a child lost in a shopping mall i wonder the house like a ghost in the dark and then settle on the marble floor in front of the wide double door glass starring at the rain falling in all its glory. they look like they're dancing one by one in a strategic manner. dont u think? see who hits the surface first. yes i am crazy to be coming to this conclusion but really, they're like tiny soldiers descending from the cloud. okay..ive lost it.
okay,ive gotta cut my rambling short because im heading to my cousin's house in a bit.

this post will be continue if i even remember what i was going to say. ;)

when words are lost

songs make up for that so you can just sit back and let yourself and the people you want to reach out to soak in the lyrics and musics that depicts your being at the moment.

this song may seem like a person hanging on to some one they love so tightly, but to me it means holding on to what i love and who i am. you know how every one usually would want to put you in a box because they think they know you better than you know yourself? well,ive had my fair share of that my whole life and i feel like im on a constant battle to make people understand that defying conventionality might not be such a bad thing after all.also for me to do the same towards others. im giving it a shot because when the curtain falls for the last time i don't want to be mistaken for some that i am not or missed the chance to know great individuals that will leave a mark in my life.

yes,ive just turned 19 hence this reflective post.
my last year being a teenager and i want to end it with a bang!

mindgames

"if its just a game..then i like the way that you play"

im tired of setting myself up for a fall but damn it if you think i am not going to soak in this happiness you are wrong! i deserve to feel happy and loved despite the annoying voice at the back of my head going "nooooooooooooo,it is all a lie!!"

i have nothing to say right now because my head is all up in space.

petty

i should be sleeping because the clock just strike 3am and i have work in the morning,but my head just doesnt seem to be able to wrap around the idea of sleep. only allah knows what are my turmoils are and i wish so much to tell the world about it but it seem selfish to unload this weigh i have upon it. it has better things to resolve then my petty problems.so tonight i think i will do what everyone else is doing, fall asleep with dry salty cheeks.

square one.

i owe you an explanation for the post earlier. but imma be a bitch and not even try because there is none. i am simply putting it in a lock box and throw away the key. sir, the point here is moot. there is no point. im taking the short cut out of this circle because i believe everything happen for a reason.

so,let start over.

i wish i can wear a tag that says

"i love m&m rather than skittles. i love to reminisce.i read for pleasure and i find solace in music.but most importantly, i will accept you for who you are =).
Hi, im Irah. whats yours?"

if only.

thanks

"im falling in love but its falling apart.lets go back to the start."