15 things you should know

Things you should know:

1) I am on a 1 week holiday due to Eid mubarak(Which was yesterday)

2) I have 8 weeks of internship left

3) I probably will sound like the biggest turd ever, but I can't wait for it to be over

4) Last week I came home crying because I couldn't handle my class

5) I don't know how I will do for the next 8 weeks

6) Whatever it is I will try my very best

7) Today is also my country's independent day, 54 YEARS STRONG(sorta)

8) Tomorrow is September and I am ecstatic because that means I am this much closer to getting my ass to Melbourne

9) Sorry I have been neglecting this blogspot but I have been sorta blogging on my tumblr a little bit

10) I write in points now because this shows how my brain lacks creativity

11) Actually, I am just too lazy

12) Because I am suppose to be sleeping since I have to wake up early because we are hitting the road and heading out to my opah's(granma) house.

13) I just felt like I had to tell it to the world

14) Also, I am not wearing pants cause, listening to Foals and eating ice-cream at 2 a.m

15) THIS IS LIFE

-THE END-

happy accidents

My love for movies or films if you want to sound more cultured, has always been the reason why I am able to speak and write english well since it is my second language. I love watching them and imitating after the characters or wonder about the most ridiculous thing about the story. I have a long list of movies I love that I think I had stopped keeping track on them. Believe it or not, I kept a list in my old journal back when I was 15. Now days, I hardly watch television anymore and I like stumbling upon a good story.

Sure, now I just watch the new television series or movies in my laptop after transferring it from friends that were able to download them. Sure it is easier and inexpensive (also very illegal) but just like everything that is convenient and fast this days, it losses its wonder and quality. In a way its magic. Think about it, for example,fast food; quick but bad for your body and film photography: takes time and money to develop, but the outcome is mesmerizing.

So,like watching television and stumbling upon a good movie, gives me some sort of heart warming joy that even after the movie I would think about it and gushes over how good it was to random ears near by(or in this case, blog about it so random blog walkers would stumble upon it). I am delighted to share with strangers the two movies I saw a few nights ago.

They are Happy accidents and Just like a son. I saw them on the sundance channel(yeah,we changed to astro beyond and they have a sundance channel!HOW WONDERFUL IS THAT?). I tell you, they don't air movies like those in the cinema here. Here, we always get block buster movies that are just a bland reflection of each other(Not all though).

You know,what would be cool? I've always had this idea of having my own cinema where I will air films that I love. Old and new. Maybe I can even play trilogies (example:lord of the rings not twilight) and have theme nights. Be so neat right? It'll play all sort of indie films from all over the world, even documentaries and mockumenteries. Block busters movies are ban from my cinema of course. Maybe only weirdos and nerds will come support my place, but hell, i'll do it for the love of it. OHMYGOD,MAYBE IT CAN BE MY NIGHT JOB.

Nadhirah, teacher my day, indie cinema owner by night.

The stuff I spun in my head aye? oh well, nothing wrong with dreaming.

Right, rambling off like a mad woman as always.

Until next time.

ps: 4th week on internship starting tomorrow. Time sure flies!

the dream part 1: still waiting

Remember in June I went and declared my dream? Well, it is still burning within my able body passionately. Every time someone asks me what I want to do after this, I usually just say I don't know and make a :( face. But inside, inside I was screaming my ideas like a mad woman that I literally had to shushed myself.

I wonder what people will react to my plan? I know they will judge me for not being practical about my future. Everyone is just such in hurry to get to the next point in their life, maybe it be a career or marriage and all I want to do is find freedom to roam the world with a journal and camera. Take loads of pictures, meet new people and befriend them, learn their culture and widen my perspective on life. That is all I want to do. I don't want a fancy car, a big house, pretty clothes or a title. But, just because I don't want those things doesn't mean I hate people that do, everyone had their preference and I respect that entirely.

That being said, it is now the second week of August and I am ecstatic that the time is moving quiet swiftly. I focus my energy on internship and during quiet moments where my mind is no occupied by lesson plans and classroom management strategies, I fill it with this dream of mine to keep going. I think of my sister's face and words every time I start doubting myself.

I miss her so much.

Anyways, she sent me a budget and my eye ball nearly fell out of its socket. But I am hopeful. One thing life had taught me is, money is something you can find. Don't need to fret, I rather be poor and enjoy life than be rich and miserable. The saying "money can't buy happiness" is dead on. If some smart ass says otherwise, know that that person can have all the money to buy the world but it would never fill out the void of what it can't buy, like love, affection and laughter.

I am sure you are tired of me rambling about this dream of mine, but I am just keeping myself motivated.

Until next post on this, which I surely think in another two months. By then I will be done with my internship and can start this madness. Soon :)

love hate

Today was not better than yesterday. In fact, it was worst. I guess, I can't always expect for good days every day right? But a girl can sure hoped for it.

I tell ya, teaching is challenging. I don't hate it yet, but I am certainly not feeling that surge of love for it either. So, where does I stand on teaching? On a straight line between those two feeling.

One thing for sure, I do not feel like I am cut out to be a teacher yet.

that was yesterday

Today was a bit better than yesterday. That was what I only prayed for and really thankful about. Thank you Allah.

PS: No, the feeling like I am about to puke every time I enter a class does not decrease. But my heart feels braver.

internship: week 2

Entering my third week of teaching. second of ramadhan. Where does the time goes?

I am getting used to being called 'teacher'.

I am getting used to planning and preparing.

I am getting used to wearing heels.

I am getting used to thinking about 60 other 9 years old instead of my lonesome almost 20 years old self.

I am getting used to always looking at the clock.

I am getting used to always getting things done in time.

I am getting used to new work place environment.

I am getting used to new people.

I am getting used to being out of my social circle.

Teaching is challenging, as I've said before. Every time I go into class, my intention is that my students gets something out of that 60 minutes lesson. That they will be a little courageous to use the language when they feel so. I know how intimidating learning something new can be. Especially a foreign language that gets a lot of backlash due to its origin. I hope they understand that we are here to learn the language, not to adept to its culture by pushing ours' aside like its yesterday's cold rice.

Third week,

I hope I am able to find my footing with this young learners.

I hope for a lot of things from this journey. Insyallah, all shall be well.

Fuel

This heart, it gives up too easily when it gets scared of something great. But you, you fuel it to pick things up and keep moving. This trust you have in my ability to succeed, makes me feel so competent. It helps me to see the bigger picture and not falter like I always do. I am forever thankful for this courage that you have infused inside on my body and soul. I am thankful for having people that are so supportive of my dreams. I feel so blessed that I get all teary eye thinking about how much love I get from people that I really care about.

I feel good tonight. I feel like I am running further from the person that I don't want to be and towards the person that I want to be in life, all because of you. Every second I put my foot forward, I am always thinking of your words of encouragement telling me not to give up.

I will stop thinking of tomorrow and live today.

PS: I do feel like I have to express my gratitude not just in my prayers, but on the interwebz, because there can never be enough of positive post out here right? :)

oopps

Right, looks like I should give an explanation for disappearing off like that after I've made a commitment to blog daily about my experience as a trainee teacher. The thing is, there is not much to say but I've been busy and tired.

I am just adapting to this new experience which I had some difficulties in the beginning, but since then, all is well and I am finding my footing in the profession.

I don't have much to think about what to pen down here because I am spending my time preparing myself mentally for each day. One thing I can tell you is this, I do feel like puking every time I enter the threshold of my school and worst, a nervous wreck when I have to enter my classes and stare at 37 little people. I spend most of my time mustering the courage and confidence that I can write on here because it will be an endless rant about how badly things are and can go. Only Allah knows how I rather put all that aside and focus on the good side of things and just calm my tits.

So the next few weeks this blog will be a ghost town, unless I've managed to adapt to things well. Insyallah.

oh another thing, teach is challenging.