old town charm

we are playing hide&seek even though we are all above 20(well,i will be in november while 11 for bro). hence, the reason why we are running like kids at 11 in the morning.oh the things we do for family.

love her shirt to bits
yah,my opah has a thing for lace&floral stuff
I went back to visit my opah and atok during the weekends. oh i love this small town charm, it never cease to amaze me how different it is from where i live. no bustling cars which means no air pollution and also having the freedom to ride bicycles wherever you go.

i was envious at the people riding their bikes to shops and all over the place steadily on the main road. there were no impatient cars or lorries stand intimidatingly nearby like over here.

sometimes i wish i can just pack up and leave the city to have a quieter life in some small town with lots of old architecture surrounding me. oh!and preferably a walking distance to a beach.

if only.....

so,with this wishful thinking, i'll leave you some pictures taken during my time there.

100mph

the year has only just begun i am wishing for it to end quickly. why is that? am i that eager to reach 2012 where psychics have predicted to be the end of us? certainly not! im just scared to face this year because i know it will bring many obstacles that will surely test my emotional strength.

when last year's scars aren't even fully heal and life seem to be putting me in the ringer where the crowd is cheering for my opponent's name and my defeat. life taking the part of the referee shouting at me whether im ready or not. my head is saying "hell no!" but my body stood up in a stance that says "bring it".

you see what i mean? ive painted you a clear picture because my mind is not at ease and its going 100 mph about all sort of things that at some point it crashes and everything goes white then waking up to start over again.

i am tired of starting over again.

wouldnt you?

her

she came knocking on my door late one January evening, it just started raining cats and dogs suddenly when that very afternoon the sun was out high and mighty in the sky shinning blindingly into my eyes. i muttered to myself how humid it was and wished it away like a hag cursing at everything that is beautiful and joyful. i know now why...

she came quietly with a few light knocks on the door and look me straight into the eyes with pity. what can i do but to look away instantly and let her in. she question me on so many things that i end up bawling every time i try to speak. she just gave me a deep sigh and said

"you know i'll be back some day, don't blame this on me"

"then who?"

"you know who"

"but ive tried! they didnt"

"doesn't matter what they did, this is about you"

"but....."

i was lost for words because it got stuck in my throat when the sadness hit me like a blow to the chest and all i could do was crawl into a ball and hold my chest tightly to stop the shaking. right there and then all i wanted to do was pack up all my books and leave.

"so,that is your solution?to run?again?"

"its the only way"

"is it now?"

with shaking hands she packs up all her favourite books and journal into a bag pack and left before they come back and cooed her into staying.

ive tried

yesterday i was up til 4 am trying to give this blog a face lift. when i've finally figured out how to put the layout codes, i then did not know how to use the blog with that design.what a shame i tell ya. the design was so lovely and what i've wanted for my blog.

since i've vowed to write more this year. i felt that a new look would really motivate me to feel more inspired. maybe ill make another blog to test out that design and figure out how it works.

for now this will be where my thoughts chirps.

hows your 2011 going so far?

mine kicked off with examinations so basically my year is starting off how i've predicted it to be. Im looking forwards for the many sleepless nights, endless reading, planning, rendezvous with my friends and also being so far away from my sister Anne.

she will be leaving soon and i am so proud of her achievements. to all the boys out there,if you feel incompetent next to her astounding beauty and brain then shine your shoes and make yourself a fine lad because she dont deserve less than who she is.both my sisters. love them to bits even when we fight like cats and dogs.its what makes us closer than ever.

so this year i know so many things will change.

i'll be a teacher in a couple of months. look how time just flew right by you and sneak up on you cunningly. if feels like that time in a mentoring meeting and i got call to the front to give a speech about my previous mentor that i barely know. i winged it of course,and start whizzing out my words and then walked out of the class after i was done. not one of my best moments.

in a nutshell,thats what my internship feels like right now.

so what happens after that?

oh,thats the question i wished would appear itself eventually. but eventually will come and go.so now i really have to take matter in my own hand dont i.

so what is it going to be Irah?

The Wall

there is a wall between us and i am too tired to try and break it down with my fist or any kind of heavy machinery. what am I to do but wonder about how we got here? dont you? probably not.

"Too oft is a smile

But the hypocrite's wile,

To mask detestation, or fear;

Give me the soft sigh,

Whilst the soultelling eye

Is dimm'd, for a time, with a Tear:"-Lord Byron

oh dear you got me reciting sad poetry at 2 in the morning.guess that is not the worst of things that you've got me doing.

A note to self

Every generation has a limit to what it believes can be real. At one point we thought the world was flat, that it was impossible to fly or that putting a man on the moon was impossible.

The same thing can be said about how other people perceive you when you have a vision or a dream.

Not everyone will see it. Many will doubt it. In the beginning almost none will help make it happen.

But the magic lies in this: KNOWING, AFFIRMING and BELIEVING that your inner world creates your outer world. The thoughts and vision you are thinking about creating the life of your dreams, are the blueprints of your eventual success.
When you are inspired, don’t seek the approval of other people before you begin taking action. Just take action and produce results. You will learn from the action you take and if you take consistent and daily action eventually you will begin to show positive results.

When you show positive results, instead of other people saying, “Ah, that impossible”, they’ll start to ask you, “How’d you do that?”

- Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love, Daily Email - Nov. 5th, 2010

i'm not okay(i promise)

hey,

i'm not okay...(i promise)

tonight i am feeling quiet hopeless as a result to the desire of wanting to go to many of the upcoming shows that will be play on my shore along the year, but the lack of money to attend them because i have to think 100 times before forking in the dough and get my tickets.

yes,there is the option of a part time job but oh dreary ive tried that before remember? didnt work out too well in a long shot. grades were down, body was tired and the mind was drain out zombified!

so, i am not okay and i promise.

it has been awhile since ive listen to this song but seven years has passed and they still hold a place in my heart.

here's to another 7 more.

back to basics

lately,ive been writing more on my journal than here for some odd reason. a few months ago i was taping away on the keyboard like it is the most natural thing ever. i even boast about it and posted it on one of my blog entry.

then came december, the mojo whithered...i think it was because i felt somewhat overwhelmed by many things that were happing around me and i quietly retreated into a hole. i tend to to that when i need time and space to recollect my thoughts and keep myself sane. now i had that prickly feeling again as if some one is watching me and i feel self-conscious to write my thoughts here.

maybe admitting this will help me to overcome my fear.

hey,the first step in dealing with such turmoil is accepting that you have a problem in the first place right?

besides, it feels really organic to be holding a pen and scribble away about anything and everything without censoring out a single thing or think about what others will feel or say about what i write. it is really liberating!

hence,this year ive taken account to write more freely and just explore the many depth of thoughts i can surmise into words.

That is one of my resolution i guess..:)

bye 2010 :(

i know im 2 days late and should have wrote this blog entry about 2010 2days ago but now that it has already passed the true feeling emerge. so,thats why its better for me to write later so i can determine how i felt about 2010.

well,truth be told kids...it was a good year for me. it wasnt entirely mind blowing but i did a lot of growing up last year. im a very private person... i know it irks some people that i dont open up to them as much as i should and can..it is just that i feel awkward sometimes being myself to new people because i wonder what their thoughts on my character are since it is weird,quirky and rude. thats the thing i wonder about most of the time and I just dont want to deal with it. I rather go about my day not knowing because I dont want my train of thoughts to be smudge by other people's thoughts.

yes i strive for individuality. you should know by now if you've been reading my entries :)

despite this,i think i've managed to make a few new friends along the way. personally,i think we will remain good friends for years to come. we have our differences but i know i befriend people that value friendship a lot. so i am very thankful,to have met these people. aside from that, last year was also about love. the one thing i learnt is that love is different for everyone so we should stop trying to define it for other people.

i've wrote what i hope 2011 will bring me and the events that has happened counting down to this year on my journal..insyallah i will share it here soon.

HAPPY 2011 EVERYONE!!