internship: Day 1

Made it through the first day by the skin of my teeth!

What lies I am spurting here.

Last night after I blogged how calm I was and that I was heading to bed for a deep slumber so I can wake up fresh in the morning all energetic for my first day as a teacher. I did just that, laid my head on my pillow and shut my eyes smiling. During that few seconds of total silence and entering a state of unconsciousness, my mind didn't went silent, instead it was shouting and ramblings incoherently about today. So I opened my tired eyes and took my books down to the room downstairs and turned on the air-conditioner in full blast and started reading my classroom management book. After 30 minutes of jotting down useful tips and listing out fun language games I can do with my students later, my mind went "ok,calm yo mothofecking titties*in tina's voice* Irah!*. So I quickly put all my things aside and crashed on the couch around 12.30 am.

Sleep felt like a second even when time had passed for hours....

Woke up with a jolt because my mum barged into the room asking me to get up while at the same time my phone obnoxious alarm went off. From there on it was a blurry motions of showering-praying-packing my books-drinking vico-out the door-into the car-picked up dad from the bus station-dropped me off at school.

The journey took 15 minutes on a clear road from my house to the school. When I arrived, I was all jitters. I'm glad I wasn't the only one though. One of my mate was feeling it too, but it is great that the other one was keeping herself together well. It made me feel better because I swear my mind kept going from rambling to silence every second as we made out way to the office to report ourselves for duty.

It was still dark out and only a few lights were switched on lighting the pathway towards the 1st floor, hence making it feel a little eerie. But thankgod the lights in the office was on, unfortunately it was still locked.Which was good! because it means we were not late.

Met a few teachers in the office who were taking their record book on the receptionist table. They were friendly and right off the bet know we were practical students reporting for duty. I just smiled and said my salam most of the time. Anyway, 90% of my time was spent waiting. Which I really don't mind because the thought of entering class made me want to throw up.

So, I got my schedule sorted by meeting first the headmistress then senior assistant then evening session person in charge then the teachers that I am taking over their classes for the next 14 weeks .

Since,there were difficulties in fitting us in their system, we had to take on an extra subject, which I don't mind since I got art! How cool is that? I am excited for it because I haven't done art in so long and I love art even though I suck at drawing. But I hope I can do interesting and artistic stuff with the kids. Speaking of which, I should research for crafty ideas for my lesson next monday. As for english, I will start this thursday on occupation. Gotta get my lesson plan ready by then.

There are things I feel a little confuse about, but it think I know how it works. It is like when I worked at baskin, you just gotta ask and they will gladly to help you out. Just ask!

Ok,with that, I say today went well.

ALL SHALL BE WELL!

amin.

internship:All shall be well

As written yesterday,I am doing a daily post pertaining my internship so I can improve my writing and reflect.

I feel calm which is rather bizarre since tomorrow is the big day. Yes, I am dubbing it as the big day and nobody can say otherwise. Tomorrow deserve to be called so because it is a first for me and I really remember my first times more often. I think the reason why I am not as nervous is because I was an emotional wreck yesterday it was nothing short of hilarious if you were to witness my breakdown. But, today I feel better and last night as I was flipping through the latest issue of Frankie magazine sent to me by my loving sister Anne with a popped out card which really charmed my pants off, I came across the section where writers of Frankie give their thoughts on a topic. This issue is "What I'll tell my kid"and I read Marieke Hardy's passage where she listed out a few rules in life her kid must know. One of them is ALL SHALL BE WELL.ALL SHALL BE WELL.ALL SHALL BE WELL.(really,she wrote it a few times)

So,whatever happens tomorrow of the next day and the next day until October, I will chant those words in time of worry to not be so chickenshit in dealing with what life throws at me. Insyallah. I hope for the best for myself and my classmates that are going to brace the teaching profession head first tomorrow. Everyone,don't forget to take in some air before you guys dive in okay?

Okay,time for bed so I can wake up at 5.30 am tomorrow and leave the house by 6.15 am.

More ranting tomorrow night.

its here!!

I am feeling loads better! Listening to mumford and sons,writing that letter to myself and crying it out really made me feel better. I will start my internship on Monday, I feel strong. I know I will do good.I don't care if that sounds really cocky. I am a cocky cock and I am not sorry about it one single bit. If my words backfired on me in the future, at least I have something new to learn. I am excited actually to meet my students and work with other teachers. I'm sure this comes as no surprise, but I love to work. Sure,I really do need the money but I find real satisfaction in getting a job done and learning something new about myself, the people around me and skills that comes with the title.

My dad asked me what are my expectations from this internship and I didn't really know what to answer him. Honestly? I just want to learn about this profession. I want to be really good at it. I want to love english more. I want to impart good life lessons to those kids. I want to let them discover how wonderful other languages can be when they keep an open mind.

I hope I do good. I can't wait what my life will be for the next 3 months. Kids are wonderful, I know I have expressed how annoying they are, but you should also remember how I've countless time said how amazing they are due to their honest take and positive take in life.

I hope I get to discover more about myself through them for I am already an adult that always seem to get lost by the fine details of life and fail to see the big picture.

Insyallah. Amin.

I thought that I was going to buy a new journal and write about my experience about my journey as a trainee teacher for the next 3 months but why bother making empty promises when I feel much more easier typing it out here. So do you think I should make a daily entry of my experience? oh hell,why not? Best keep it in the open and share my stories where anyone can stumble upon right? I want to be braver when it comes to my writing and sharing it with anyone that wants to read my babbles. Writing is the only way I know how to make things better when times are hard and I know it is not always rainbows and cupcakes.

So,fuck it.bite the bullets and commit Irah!

I heart mumford&sons

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

I love this band.

A letter to myself

what would you say if you can write to yourself?

Tonight I feel like only myself can convince me and make things better.

Dear Irah,

First of all, I love you. Please believe in yourself that you are a strong individual that has it in you to take on whatever that life throws your way. That you are not afraid to dream big and know how much you have to work to get what you want in life,even the little things. People might not understand your hardship, but now is not the time to feel sorry for yourself because they don't know your story. This is not the time to play the game "who's life sucks more" because you have enough and that you should be grateful to Allah for what you have. Don't forget that all your body parts are working well, that you have a roof above your head, clothes on your back,food in your stomach,a bed to sleep on and people you care dearly close by. Remember that you are one courageous, honest,smart and beautiful girl. Not to mention real funny too.Nobody can take that away from you unless you let them. okay?Please take care of yourself, chin up,wipe the tears and get ready to face tomorrow better than you did today.

I love you, you crazy sumbetch.

a good read?

2 nights.619 pages later...

I didn't want it to end.

Which means this is a good book because for the passed 3 months or so I've been trying to get back on my habit of reading but have failed miserably. Currently I have 3 books unfinished and it sorta made me frustrated because I keep buying books that aren't so engaging. Sure, they have been on the top 10 of most-sold-books list or must -read-book list, but I just didn't seem to find the joy of reading them as I would other books.

It all started with that dance dance dance book by haruki murakami. The first book I have not finished and just tossed aside because it was too eccentric and at times boring to stomached. Give it a whirl and see what I mean. Although, hats off to Fara for finishing it. I felt a little guilty for not finishing it, but then I remembered this one article I've read and it was a review on a book about reading. Sort of a reader's right when it comes to reading. One of it is : "It is ok if you don't finish,it's your choice". So that kept me from prolonging my guilt and encouraged me to go on to other books.

Then...I found about Catch-22 and thought I should really read it since it is highly acclaimed by some literary board and Frankie magazine(my only fav magazine). One of the writer talked about books he has not finished and people was shocked that he haven't finished catch-22,saying it is a must read and shit. So, I got really intrigued..naturally. I saw it on the shelves of popular bookstore and bought it on impulse. A FEW PAGES at the book and i saw where the challenge lied...the language. English is not my first language so I find it rather difficult to read old english..maybe not refined or simplified english? You give it a crack and see if what I am saying makes sense.

After that, it was downhill from there. I can only stomach romance novel(both the really erotic type and pg-13 type)and I felt dirty mentally most of the time not because of the explicit content(I like that very much), but it felt like I was feeding junk food day in an out to my brain. I just stopped reading them and haven't picked up a book ever since. I've tried you know, to get back to what I love, which is adventure and magic intertwined together. Thought I would find it in Dianna Wyane Jones's the glass door, but it just didn't make me want to keep on turning the pages. I made it half way but didn't picked it back up ever since.

It is hard to read while classes is commencing because I have so many exam related stuff to read that reading a book for leisure seems to elude me. Le sigh...

Even during this 1 month of break I didn't come across anything interesting to read even though I've been meaning to read again since I have ample time to do so.

But, a few days ago I went to Mel's house and saw The Host by Stephanie Meyer. You heard me right, Stephanie Meyer. I have to say I have a pretty strong perception towards her earlier work (oh you know which one) and they aren't so positive. Best not go into that because I rather not soil this author's credibility with my words. Yes, I've read all her earlier work so I pretty much have a love hate relationship with her writing.

So, when I started reading The Host, I was a little cautious and reluctant to enjoy it. I just want to blast it with rants of why it sucks. But, the joke is on me, I did enjoyed it and loved that it is sci-fi and romance woven into one. You know how I love me some alien love and the end of the world related stuff.

Anyways, as Mel had put it: It is more matured. Yes it is. I wasn't annoyed by it one bit. I love a strong female character. And there wasn't any cheesiness or pent up sexual bits in it. The love story feels genuine and strong with out soaking it with sexual scenes like in Twilight. Seriously, Bella is just one sexually oppressed girl that wants to hump a vampire's brain out as soon as she can.

That aside, I think readers would appreciate The Host because it has the makings of a good book. Sure, it can't be compared to The End of Mr.Y(one of my fav), but its a good read regardless. In my opinion anyways, everyone have different taste. The science fiction junkies would probably look down on it but at the end of the day this is a story about love.

It says so in the beginning:

"To my mother, Candy, who taught me that love is the best part of any story"

And I agree.

I love reading,I love being completely immersed in its words and world. I wonder what I will stumble upon next..:)