i caught myself

For M.

"I should have never thought of you,i knew,i know in my heart is not you,i knew"

she feels like crying but her tears doesnt seem to want to be release themselves from her tear duct.

"Let go will you, there is no way it will work out.you two are from two different worlds. would you sacrfice

yourself for the likes of him? would he do the same? would he put aside his beliefs just to hold your hand

with the rest of the world as an audience?i doubt that"

"shutupshutupshutup!"

her insides split into two and walked away from her body as two different person and went at each

other with fist and hammer towards each other.she cant stop them because there is no her to make the move. it is

like she's a lifeless doll waiting for those two charges to set her to live again.

where is he when all this is going down?

where is he when things are falling apart?

where is he when she can't seem to see straight anymore?

at that moment she let out a feral scream fill with anguish and rage the two stop quarelling and disappear into

thin air. then she blacked out from the pain...

compromise

one word that is not in my vocabulary.

i wonder if it will be my downfall.

the beat

there was a time where i could turn back time and just push it aside because the idea of it is so silly and impossible that only a madman would ponder over it too much.However, tonight and the next i am personally yours to watch me truly diving myself in the beautiful chaos once again. For in these beats i'm rewinding over and over again seem to be taking me back to a time and place that i wish it wasnt all in my head. they are vaguely ebbing away like a dream that come and go in a flurry flash of memories. everything moved in milliseconds but all too quickly they're gone. you ask me if i am living in the past, well...maybe the present is pale in comparison.

oh if you know me babe, i am nothing but pale. If i could i want to discover a new colour and name it after myself. you will laugh now because i wish for things that only exist in books, but i believe in a world that one can shine the way one wants. Mine just happens to be in every spectrum of the colour in a dark room.

so let me drown myself in this beat til i fall asleep,

a deep sleep that beckons me to those memories so vividly,

by then i wouldnt ask for salvation,

not even when you have your foot press against my chest,

hands wrapped in a violent twist hammering towards my lips,

not even when i've got blood on your floor,

i still wouldnt ask for your saving,

because babe i dont need one.

so stop whispering love songs in my ears while you watch me die,

the lights from my eyes will be out any seconds now,

the image of your puzzled face will be savored,

for i know why you are wondering why i'm still smiling through the pain,

its coz i still hear the sound of the beat drumming madly,

almost keeping me alive...

almost...

click away

remember those?

i want a camera now!so i can take pictures again.........ive lost Ace(my old camera) awhile ago and im regretting it now. i'm seeing the visions again...and i feel a little lost not having a camera to make those visions come true..what a douche i can be for not appreciating Ace...

sun kisses

this was where she stayed and read her copy of haruki murakami. in a wide open space to the left of her university's library compound by the tall glass windows where the sun seemed to be filtering in the most exuberant way. its touch illuminated the white walls making it glow as if it was a placed roamed by divinity. there, she felt the sun kisses her lightly on the cheeks living pink lush stains on her face even long after she has left that room.

for the love of light

anyone that knows me know that i am not a morning person.

i am the creature of the night.

hence, my obsession with owls.

however, i think mornings are great for capturing the light. you know, that moment when the sun rises and the sky just emits that wonderful golden hue like warm honey dash across the baby blue canvas. you would be a fool to not feel the beauty of the world in that moment of time. this morning, after 2 years, i felt that urge to capture the light the best i could even though i was groggy as hell due to lack of sleep.

sorry for the bad quality of a picture, mind you its only 3.2 mega pixel hand phone camera :)

i make the best of everything.

hold on or let go,you decide

when i want to befriend a soul, i am honest about it because i want them in my life. if i do get screw over , then it will probably kill me but i also have a penchant for spontaneity because i can't stand thinking of the could have been after last year's blunder.

so,here i am offering you my friendship, which is far more precious than my heart because in friendship is the only way for me to give it all of me.

you'll learn that in time...