You've got mail

dear lovelies,

i am in the pink of health. enjoying every bit of my time off from dreadful florescent lit hallways and assignments for a change. i like that my days aren't planned and calculated because now i have the freedom to go about wherever, whenever and whoever i want too. however, knowing me, you know i only seek two things.they are good company and great conversations.
i live for those two things. everything else seem pale in comparison to those two things. so here i am a week later since i've took off towards the sunset with mr.holiday. it's been quiet a week! we went to catch a quintet from Tennessee played all the tunes we've been singing for what it felt like out whole lives, then met the most lovelies soul a long the road.
she is on her journey of gastronomic adventure because she is a life-long foodie so we couldnt resist it when she wanted to share some of her findings with us. so there we were going from one place to the other stuffing our faces with good food that left us feeling so contented and loved. before you start going off about me eating my heart out, i should mentioned that is not the only adventure i had. we talked about what we've always wanted to do that never gotten the chance to do so and i happened to mention that i am living my day with a mental checklist of the things ive never done.
"so,what is it?",she asked with a very query look on her face.
"don't laugh....but i've never karaoke.i suck a singing but i love to sing"
"lets do it then!like right now"
"NOW?NOW?what, but im reeeeaaallly awful"
"its okay, no one will hear you! what, you need time to practice or something? its not like you are entering a competition".
before i know it, a mike was shoved into my face and we were dancing to the hit tunes of the 90s. man am i a 90s child or what!
after that,we had to bit her goodbye because she was heading back to her obligations and cant be on the road all day long. oh,things werent always fun and games because we got lost one time that i wanted to cry and have a break down. but she assured us it will be okay, and it did. a lesson learned was that when on the highway and you missed and exit, just keep going straight.NO MATTER WHAT.and trust the sign boards.they aren't completely useless.
oh after that frightening detour we had, i just wanted to take everything slow for awhile. but the next day i found myself amidst a bunch of arab boys with skins as white as snow and a hint of rosy cheeks that every girl give the world to have. who are they? descendant of snow-white?? jeez. i guess having interracial best friend does have its benefits. not the lurid type you are thinking, but the it let me see the a new part of the world that i've seldom venture in.
so here i am writing to you on a notepad ive bought at the gas station we stopped by and mr.holiday is pumping some fuel into the car for we are heading are way to meet really an old friend. i've missed her so much.
until next time lovelies. hope you are doing well there. =)

19th oct 2010-the freaks came out and dance

A date that will be remembered for the rest of my life. i dont have carefully calculated words to tell you of my night at paramore's concert except that in life when you have that moment to do something you've wished for so long,come rain or shine you have to follow through and grab that moment by the neck and shout back all the words that have been kept close to your heart all these years and dance.

dance,dance,dance!

the 16 year old me would be very proud of me right now because i didnt forget her. i didnt let her go completely as i grew older.ive kept the promise made 4 years ago. it took that long but it was worth the wait, money and sweat.

i wouldnt have it any other way.*although meeting them would be super awesome*

i wouldnt forget being in the crowd and singing to the words with thousands of people with my hand in the air and looking to my side at my best friends doing the same and we just smiled. we were living the moment. right there and then we forgot about all the obstacles we are going through and will go through as we get older and try to make something of ourselves. that feeling and mental image will be forever embedded in my head for as long as i live, breath and laugh.

what a way to kick off my holiday. im so grateful Allah let me have this moment even though it is probably not right but music is and always be apart of me. i find solace in the tunes and artistically written words.

this feels like a bittersweet closure to my teenage years cause ill be turning 20 next year.
bitter cause ill be leaving the realm of teens and into adulthood which i dont find least bit appealing although it has it advantages.
sweet because i've no regrets. i've always been honest to myself, to the people around me and ive always make my own path in life.im the weirdo that is very PROUD of it!

mr.holiday

he is finally here! about time already.i was losing my my mind stressing over not enough studying time that was needed for my exams.

i've got big plans this holiday. i will be put into the wringer for the third time,so wish me luck yeah?
this time ive picked up some new tricks to protect myself from getting hit. I betcha it will be an interesting holiday cause I've got no clue where i stand in this battle. Whatever it is, i know that i must always see the reality of it and follow my mind. the heart seem to be wanting such horrid things.

so Mr.holiday came and pick me up in his shinny silver beatle and we are riding down the highway and into the sunset in full speed while playing tunes singing about freedom. we aint never looking back until my five weeks are up where he will send me packing with a kiss on the both cheeks and promise of a new adventure next time.
im writing this down on a 7eleven resit where we bought the cigarettes and buns for the road.


therefore, for now, i shall just revel in all its blissfulness that feels so sweet if you were to take a bite out of it.

oh mr.holiday, you make me shine like the moon in the sky.

ps: Hope your holiday will be an adventure.

house arrest

confinement at home: a form of legal confinement in which people who have been arrested are not allowed to leave their own homes.

this is what i've been feeling this whole exam week.

my little decoy

what would you do when you looked around and saw the wreckage desire had tragically fell on you and the people you love?what have we done that is so wrong to deserve such beatings? how much more would we pawn to get a little taste of affection?

"you have to pay for wanting the wrong things"

the game we played left us buckled on our knees with our arms hugging ourselves while rocking it gently back and forth trying to ease the shock that still runs down our spine. we couldn't even find comfort in the consolation of the people that have loved us from the start. Partly, we blamed it on them for not warning us about this game that will leave us spent, broken and used.

everyone was nursing their bruising hearts at their corner with hands shaking and face vacant but eyes full of emotions that flickers from despair to anger and back to despair.

At that point all I wanted was to run.Run out of this place. It seemed to be sucking the life out of me. I'm starting to forget who am I.

"Who am I?"

I ran towards the heavy wooden door and twist on the knob but to no avail it wouldn't open. I could hear the clinging of their shackles especially made for me so they can keep me here.

"Fuck,they're coming for me"

My heart was racing, my mind was screaming and I acted on instinct. I took a few steps back and went for it. I slammed my right side to the door and wailed out from the pain. However sadistic i may sound, it never felt so good to hear the crushing of bones of my right shoulder and the door bursting open at the same time. My body thought otherwise though.I blacked out from the collision before seeing whats on the other side.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Close your eyes and make believe this is where you want to be
Forgetting all the memories, try to forget love cause love's forgotten me
Well hey, hey baby, it's never too late pretty soon you won't remember a thing
And I'll be distant, as stars reminiscing
Your heart's been wasted on me

You've never been so used as I'm using you, abusing you
My little decoy
Don't look so blue, you should've seen right through
I'm using you, my little decoy
My little decoy
-Paramore

2 stars?really

the star gave EAT,PRAY,LOVE 2 stars only.

screw it, you should go watch it anyways because it was beautifully made and it did the book justice!

however, you know whats better? reading the book. it is so inspiring and uplifting. i felt a sense of reassurance when i read it. it made me feel that it is ok to not know all the time and be brave to change and i am ever evolving.

:)