Sunday, March 8, 2009

update of my life ;D

The digitally programme magic eight ball had screwed with my confidence. In exactly four days i will get the verdict. I wonder how hopeful you can get before life throws you down harder than you’ve imagined in your head every time the fear arises. Will i feel like the ground underneath my feet suddenly gone and all i can feel is falling into a sunless hole that leaves you broken not physically but mentally. I fear that. Will i cry and weep? That even the merry-happy tunes of Lenka wouldn’t heal me...

You know it’s not myself i’m worried about..but the thoughts of others that surrounds me. I’ve made peace with myself. It’s even safe to say that i know where i really stand. I’m not going to lie to you or myself because this is real. I have faith in Allah..i really do, but i’m not going to use him in vain because i want something. When you didn’t really work hard for it, you really deserve a good slapping on the head. Mine would be like a good ol bashing!

Nerve-wrecking but judgement day will be harder. This,i have the chance to live and start over. I wonder is it because i have that thought in my head that i’m in the state i am in right now. Somewhere between never never land and never was. You know being unsatisfied with what you do daily and who you are.

The year started out with a bang to my heart in the romance compartment. That was a bust but other area had bloomed steadily and beautifully. Met some new interesting people in an ice-cream shop where they thought me about all the flavours. Ironically people resemble these flavours. Some stand alone great without having other flavours to tingle your senses...but occasionally when the two odds flavours combine together it made and explosion in your mouth. Like Marisa said “orgasm in your mouth!!”. They really should make that a tag line and an add-campaign to go with it. I have it in my head now..sexual but hey, sex sells! The boys would go wild for it, like the chuppa-chup add, “the pleasure of sucking”, that screams sexual innuendos so it sticks in your head like right now at four o’clock in the fuking morning after you’ve only seen the add once or twice. The only reason i’m sticking around there is money and the people. But mainly money, im getting closer and closer to getting myself a brand new baby call bulls-eye! Oh, we girls love a good contraption. Big and functional! And before you go there, i’m talking about an SLR, nothing more...i swear.

I don’t know if you should wish me luck,it doesn’t seem appropriate to me. So just be strong and faithful about how i lead my life, sorry i’m not as together as you are. I’m a little messy and rough around the edges even thought i look soft as ice-cream on a very humid day. That’s just my face okay?;D and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

--------that was last night---------



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