Turning point

After the incident that occurred on Wednesday, the next day was surprisingly better. So was the day after that.

I thank my parents and the support of good friends for always getting me through the rough patches in my life. I am thankful for their words for giving me the strength to cope with what life had thrown at me. I am thankful that Allah heard my prayers and helped smoothed out the bumpy road.

A prayer goes a long way. I know that now.

I hope that this is the turning point of my teaching experience.

I am not asking for perfect wonderful day everyday, but I am asking for me to be able to connect with them as much as I can before I leave.

Insyallah.

sleep

I am going to bed, I don't even want to think about tomorrow.

I just want to close my eyes and bury my head in a heap of pillows.

Maybe sleep can cure this heartache.

Worst day

Today things got from worst to super worst.

I totally pulled the stormed out of class in the middle of a lesson with angry tears in my eyes.

I feel like shite doing it cause I've promised myself I wouldn't do that.

I now can't stop crying because of it.

Teaching is so challenging for me. It is hard seeing other people having the time of their life.

It is hard when you are having such a difficult time doing it. It is HARD.

It makes you feel that you are just not good enough for this.

It makes you doubt yourself so much.

It makes you not like them much.

It makes you want to give up.

It makes you sad.

Most importantly, it makes you hate yourself.

I hope tomorrow will be better. I keep hoping that it will but it is getting worst.

But even now, I still hope that it will be better tomorrow. I don't know how but after what happened today, I hope I will be able to connect back with them.

I don't want to leave with them hating me.

That is it.

salty

Listening to Bon Iver's Skinny love made me cried so hard like I haven't cried in so long. I don't even know why I am crying, I don't even understand what this song is about. But the melody just gets to me. Ugh, I am a blubber of a woman with too much emotions when the night is late, when I have so much work and especially when I miss people I haven't seen in awhile and wished to spend an hour with them talking about life. I guess I just feel a little overwhelm by work. Maybe I am just scared and worried. Hence, the tears.

Ok, Bon Iver, you are good. Nobody makes me cry the first time I listen to them.

Every time I listen to this song, I picture a really melancholic scene like in the movies.

The rain pours gently on a bustling city with its blaring neon signage everywhere, I see the good-bye of broken-hearted lovers, the struggle of life in the eye of a foreigner in a stranger's land, the lost of a child by a young single mother and the pain of a young man trying to live up to the his society's expectations. I see their pain and I can't help but get carried away with the emotions along with them.