my short-lived love life

Suddenly out of nowhere all those love songs you’ve been mindlessly listening to for ages seem to actually make senses. How cruel is life to hit you with its worst when you are already feeling the hopelessness love brings along after the quick happiness it gave you. I’m caving myself in this week,i need some time to think about what happened and moved on. Its so hard to not think of the little moments we had and go swooning away like a child getting that last piece of candy. i’m going to be honest with you, the first time i saw him my mind went like a sudden shocked, there was a moment when our eyes met. After that i didn’t forget him. I’m going to stop myself here because this starting to feels like a pathetic love story that didn’t make it to the big screen caused it didn’t have a happy ending.

F5

i had 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep today for the first time in 3 days!

a year later

it has been a year since my last hit and here i am again in the same place but a different position. when will this pain go away? another one year? maybe two? god save me from myself for i need courage to get through today and the next so i wouldnt fall apart at the seams.

so many questions, but no answers. therefore, i was left to scour my brain for the answers and came back empty handed. how my chest rise and fall slowly in a steady motion of an ocean wave whenever i think of him.

this not a love song, this is my truest form of self expression about my feelings at the moment, please drink it in and enjoy its bits and pieces preciously for my heart is in need of a good thing.

blase

I'm contemplating whether i should even put that as the title.

Have you ever wonder wouldn't it be cool that something fictional that you've read could be true? pardon me but movies are not include in this because they have be nothing but a disappointment when portraying a book. what i am talking about is, real life occurrence!

i know i sound like a loony up to this point but 3 days ago, while i was hanging out at hanis's house giving her a rogue-inspired highlight, i happened to wonder over her shelf which is packed with books and since i've been dying to read a new book after putting down elizibeth gilbert's EAT,PRAY,LOVE, i am ecstatic to coincidentally came upon this book called "the end of mr.y".

suffice to say that after a few pages i COULD NOT put it down.i've spent two days reading it because i'm savoring every bit of it but had to reluctantly pull away from it because of the examination so right now, i just cant wait to dive back into the land of mind space with Ariel Monta.

Have you read RANT by Chuck Phalanuik? well, it has the same feeling of excitement, mind boggling and far-fetch moments which has a lot of idealistic and realistic element in it. they just intertwine with each other fittingly that it is a sweet ride to be on.
basically, it has time-travelling, literature, science, sex and religion all blend into one!
i have a thing for all ( except the science part but she made it work!).

plus, it was written by a woman!(well,i real hope it wasnt an alias or something)

humor me

just went i had babbled on about being fearless and courageous and the whole mambo-jumbo,i was inflicted by a sudden high-pitch fever the very same evening.

funny?quiet not.

yes no

hey lovelies, i've been ignoring this part of the world wide web for no good reason except that i've been comfortably writing in my journal like it's my last day on earth. all my words that were scribbled and scrawled across the blank pages of my peter pauper journal are at time pointless but its the only way i know to keep myself sane these days.
lately ive been trying to live my life like i want too because its the only way for me to be able to reach that small happiness only i could comprehend.

life is pretty okay ;p,no i DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND.hish

just to clear the air, i was really inspired to stand up and live so i could write about it because of a book title "EAT,PRAY,LOVE" by elizabeth gilbert. its just nice knowing that you are not the only one that talks alone into the atmosphere then laugh and cry all under the span of 60 seconds of time. i guess,i find reassurance in knowing that sometimes even when you have grown up, you dont still dont know all the answers.

the important thing is not coming up with the correct answers, but the right questions even when you are frustrated, tired and pissed off at the world.

you are what you think.

i have so much to tell you but i dont know where to begin. its amazing how much you can learn in the span of a couple of months doing things out of your comfort zone. before i start babbling incoherently about how amazing and fuck up life is, ill just sum up my overwhelming emotions so you wouldnt get lost in my words.

sometimes, life is about doing things that scare you the most. yes, there will be tears, there will be sleepless nights, there will be more tears, but once you've entered that unfamiliar place, pray for courage and have a little faith.

coming from me about faith is like asking a cat to bark, almost like an oxymoron. however, it works somehow.

treasure box

my weekend was spent pouring my eyes over a malaysian made film by the well known female film maker most malaysian have came to term as being legendary to our small thriving country especially in the domain of art and entertainment. i'm not going to sugar coat my words here but those who knows me know that i have some resistance pertaining our entertainment industry especially films and musics, they just dont make them like they used too...sadly...

HOWEVER, im quiet chuffed to confess my undying love for one woman that has made films (for some odd reasons i cant just call her work movies,it just seem somewhat belittling) that has truly captured our nation in a nutshell through clear, precise yet graceful and artfully done manner that one couldn't help but ponder about the whole debacle with more openness than before. yes, we are relatively a young nation still trying to find our niche in this world, we are still figuring it out(that isnt a bad thing you know)

here's my pitch why you have to go watch her film
*clears throat*

her way of storytelling has always been simple yet written with depth where you have to sieve through the layers by their conversations. it doesnt lead up to gargantuan revelation but like a treasure box, every little findings are just equally valuable and held with great sentiment . you'd understand why each one of them are so important in the end . it feels precious somehow, yes in the end it will leave you to tears but i think the water works is exactly what we all need to wash away the cloud of judgment constantly hanging over our peripheral vision.

so go, go and watch Yasmin Ahmad's films, especially her last gem to this nation before she left to be with her maker again, it is call TALENTIME.


my favorite quote from the movie

"dia masuk islam not melayu,not even arab"